Afternoon all, and welkerm, to vehril ... er ... London Stadium

Ibe pinches half a yard off Masuaku and whips in a low cross. It's not a problem for Adrian to dive on, but it was a decent effort, and really, one of King or Wilson should be running across the front post there. In theory, that's a benefit of having two strikers.

Nice from Callum Wilson who pulls left and steps into a clever, low cross that he takes a stride earlier than expected. It doesn't pick out King, loitering in the middle, but it was a better effort than otherwise because of how he timed the attempt.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I fear that we are in for a terrible game of football. Luckily, we're all here for the company.

Better from West Ham, who've been more soporific than you might expect. Tore turns and finds Noble outside him; he hits the line and cuts back a dangerous ball that doesn't find any of his pals.

I know the London Stadium wasn't built as a football ground, but what's the point of all horsehoe-shaped space you get behind the goals of newbuilds these days? There were loads in Brazil for the World Cup, and also in Ukraine at the last Euros but one.

Ibe is caught in possession and Masuaku finds Kouyate, he sends hit back wide. Eventually, Masuaku, who enjoys a maraud, crosses deep to the back post, picking out Tore, who comes inside on his left foot and curls plenty wide of the far post.

Valencia helps the ball around the corner for Antonio to chase through the middle, and he worries Francis, whose double error handed Manchester United their opener last week. But with the pitch of the crowd rising, he keeps the heid to hold off the challenge and roll back to Boruc.

Some possession for West Ham, and the atmosphere in the ground is actually not too bad. The problem is how far the stands are from the pitch, but then who goes to the game to actually see the game?

Bournemouth are knocking it about comfortably. West Ham are mainly sitting off their back four, which is probably a consequence of playing 4-1-4-1 - at least to some extent.

Wonder how Leeds are handling this cantilever roof news; not well, would be my guess.

Comfortably ensconced under Europe's largest cantilever roof, we're off!

Figurative bubbles are being blown forever. It's what everyone's old mum would've wanted.

Anyway, the players are with us - let's see what they've got.

Er, the most he's ever scored in a season is 17 - for Newcastle in the Championship. He mangaed 11 in 2010/11.

Tony Cottee is in the crowd. He has not changed in 30 years.

Bournemouth did not play at all well against Manchester United last week. They had a lot of the ball in the early stages, but were unduly passive, then went behind and offered more or less nothing thereafter. They need to play with more fire today.

Pitch news: at the London Stadium the pitch is 5m longer and 4m wider than at Upton Park. At first glance, that seems to suit Bournemouth more, with their two wingers, but West Ham will be looking to get the ball wide too.

Eddie Howe bigs up Ryan Fraser, making his Premier League debut on the left-wing. Says he's very talented na dproved it when he went to Ipswich on loan.

Dimitri Payet "felt something against Chelsea"; Andy Carroll is out for a few weeks.

The below does not directly pertain to this game, but it absolutely pertains to this life. The skill in maintaining focus, coherence and fury is humbling.