Afternoon all, and welkerm, to vehril ... er ... London Stadium

West Ham have been better than Bournemouth, in the way a smack in the mouth is better than a heel to the solar plexus. "As bad as it gets," said James Redknapp, esq.

Half-time: West Ham United 0-0 AFC Bournemouth. I'd not be averse to taking a goal off either team for this abomination.

At least we've had some bookings - maybe we'll get sendings off in the second half. But in the meantime, Ibe wins a corner down the right, and Reid does not like it at all. He alerts the officials to this fact, the flag-kick barely reaches the near post and is headed clear immediately.

There shall be two added minutes. Better than three, I guess.

Why are so many teams now playing in highlighter? Bournemouth are in lime green, and a right bunch of charlies they look too.

Shot, put, it's just like watching shot put, it's just like watching shot put, it's just like watching shot put.

A rare break for Bournemouth, Wilson hearing through the middle ... so Byram pulls him down and is booked. Amusingly, he actually flew into a foul tackle at the start of that move that was probably a yellow-card offence too.

Valencia earns a modicum of space and lashes a low, hard shot that Boruc turns away well at his near post.

Cook is late on Valencia, coming in from behind, and he is booked. The attack proceeds and Antonio drags a shot wide.

Bournemouth have offered even less threat than West Ham;can't recall a single serious save Adrian's had to make.

Kouyate pulls right and goes to swing a cross over towards the middle of the box - Arter, five yards away, brings up a hand, it hits said hand, and that's a free-kick and a booking for the ensuing sarcastic applause. Just outside the box down the right, Tore tries rolling the ball back with everyone expecting a cross, but Bournemouth know a thing or two about behaviour such as this, and Cook humps it away.

West Ham need to chuck another man in the box; can't see any need for both Nordveit and Noble in this game.

Concern for West Ham as Valencia lands awkwardly and calls for the trainer. He does not look happy. Meanwhile, we see that Daniels' foul on Tore was just on the line of the penalty box, so, though it's easy to see how the officials missed it, West Ham ought to have had a penalty.

But some football, there! Tore finds Kouyate ahead of him down the right, and his shot is blocked. Byram then appears to cross, and Antonio is on the other side waiting for it to come down, but it never does because Cook heads clear.

This game is really ordinary, if you'll excuse my Australian.

West Ham have sold 52,000 season tickets; that is really a lot. They might have to play better than this to keep them. But Tore, who's looked lively, takes the ball out on the right and hums inside Daniels, who brings him down. Free-kick to West Ham, 20 yards out, halfway between the corner of the box and start of the D. Tore thunks it into the wall, about knee-height; quite what he was trying remains unclear.

Least they've got their priorities straight.

West Ham win a free-kick 35 yards from goal, right of centre, when Noble is fouled. The ensuing ball in is headed clear forthwith.

Ibe pinches half a yard off Masuaku and whips in a low cross. It's not a problem for Adrian to dive on, but it was a decent effort, and really, one of King or Wilson should be running across the front post there. In theory, that's a benefit of having two strikers.