Afternoon all, and welkerm, to vehril ... er ... London Stadium

FULL-TIME: WEST HAM UNITED 1-0 AFC BOURNEMOUTH. Well, that was a rotten mess of a game; Bournemouth looked clueless, while West Ham without their best players aren't as good as West Ham with their good players. Thanks all for your company; bye.

With Bournemouth desperately seeking an equaliser, they're caught upfield and Noble plays Calleri in. He doesn't quite have the pace to leave the chasing man - I think it's Daniels - but he cleverly cuts in front of him, which draws the keeper, and he finishes confidently ... but sends his shot just wide of the far post.

Outstanding behaviour from Adrian! Bournemouth win a throw-in deep inside the West Ham half, left-hand side. Daniels hurls it in and King swivels to fire a half-volley that Adrian reacts well to push out; but following up is Cook, who connects beautifully, slamming in another shot that Adrian is up to beat away!

Matsuako is booked for blocking off Smith; there shall be four added minutes.

"You wouldn't want to take that out of the game," says Alan Smith about talking to referees; yes, it's those rollocking good conversations that persuaded us all to fall in love with it.

There shall be four additional minutes

Tore is replaced by Obiang.

Bournemouth send Gosling on for Fraser.

That was a very nicely contrived goal. Nothing spectacular, but Antonio's initial cross was better than anything else he's produced this afternoon.

GOAL! WEST HAM 1-0 BOURNEMOUTH (ANTONIO) Antonio arcs a clever low cross across the face of goal that no one is there to tap in, but Tore retrieves the ball and chips one to the back post, where he now is. With Boruc on the other side of the goal, all it needs is contact, and a thumping header supplies that emphatically, the first league goal at London Stadium! He'll enjoy that all the more given the chastening chasing he got at Chelsea on Monday.

West Ham chip one into the box, Noble's up looking for Calleri with the header, and Francis quickly intercedes.

Do people actually speak like this?

What that red card will do is kill any ambition Bournemouth had to win this game - and it doesn't seem like West Ham have the craft to pick them apart. Eyes down for more of the same.

Another change for West Ham: Nordveit departs, Fletcher arrives.

Immediately, Bournemouth make a change Nathan Ake replacing Jordon Ibe.

RED CARD FOR HARRY ARTER! West Ham win possession and quickly release Kouyate, rampaging down the right. Arter does everything possible to stay with him, can't, so pulls him down and incurs a second yellow card. I can see why he did it, but it probably wasn't necessary.

This game has been badder than Michael Jackson x Brian Arthur Derek Boyes.

Change for Bournemouth: Wilson departs, Grabban arrives.

Nice from Calleri, cutting across the face of the box left-to-right and flighting a ball over the top for Antonio, coming in off his flank. He was looking to cushion a volley into the middle, but instead took his eye off the ball and missed it entirely.

There's a phalanx of stewards going up and down stairs in one of the corner blocks. Bet that was well received.